I've just been really down lately. Let me be honest: I'm feeling neglected. I'm talking emotionally here people. You could say "But I invited you to such and such on such and such day." Ya, that's fine, I'm not talking about that. Get-togethers are just get-togethers. You see, I have this crazy idea that friendship is something beautiful and so much more then hanging out. I have this crazy Idea that friendship is sitting on the back wall kicking back a couple of rootbeers and talking about life. I have this crazy idea that friendship is so much more then parties and hang-outs and what not, but more of something personal. I've always thought it was going out of your way and giving someone that "how're you doing?" talk. I've always seen friendship as dynamic. It grows, it changes, that isn't too much of a leap is it? I guess you could say it fits right, well may be most of the time.
Growing and changing, that's what it's about. Dynamics of friendship. I haven't felt really dynamic myself, but it could be just me. I may need a refresher course in dynamics. A good part of my life has been spent hiding within myself. I had hidden my thoughts and problems from people for a long time. I guess blogger helps, but I'm not talking about blogger right now. I thought I had something good at one point. Fellowship, friendship, whatever it was. I admit, for the most part it has left me. I also have to admit that I am not comfortable with that. I've had the weird idea that I need people to lean on to get around. That I need other people who will be able to walk with me, maybe at least for a little while. A shoulder to cry on maybe. I just think people have taken friendship in the wrong direction, but who am I to say that? I feel like my acquaintances are many, but my friends are few. May be you guys could say other wise, but I hardly think some one who you chat with who couldn't care less about how you are doing would fall under the friendship category. But this is just me throwing myself some kind of pity party. Maybe I should have named this post "mindless ranting", because it seems like that's what I have been doing for the past hour.
3 comments:
We are starting the second volume of our lives Cory! College! And we need each other as friends more than ever to keep us on the right track in our lives and with God. I'm honored that we have known each other for 13 years now. Woot! Lifers!
I'm sorry I haven't quite taken the time to sit down and just talk with you man. The great thing about hangouts and parties is that they give you even more opportunities to do such things. I'll pray and I'll try to take this dynamic of our friendship into a new direction.
i'm sorry you feel this way, cory. i understand what you mean. i'm glad you feel like you can open up about it...so many people would just keep it to themselves. i hope that when your friends do reach out to you that you will embrace that and that your friendships will grow stronger.
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