Monday, May 24, 2010

The Last Power Hour



The last season of 24 has ended tonight. I must say, I'm a little saddened by the loss of something that's been a big part of my life. I've been watching 24 since it first started 8 seasons ago. I'm not ashamed of saying that Jack Bauer has always been, and always will be my hero. It's been a long, amazing run. I'd like to celebrate with some awesome Jack Bauer facts:

There has not been a terrorist attack in the United States since Jack Bauer first appeared on television.- Apparently, some Muslims are really offended by Jack Bauer's overly zealous treatment of terrorists. From what I've read, some people think Jack Bauer gives Muslims a bad rep. No lie. I think if they actually bothered to watch the show, they'd see that the only bad rep that these "Muslim terrorists" get on the show are the fact that they are almost never masterminds.

Ordinary people have panic attacks. Chuck Norris has Jack Bauer's attacks!

Kiefer Sutherland drinks to forget all the terrible things Jack Bauer has done.

Vin Diesel can be rearranged to say "I end lives." Jack Bauer can be rearranged to say "Jack Bauer," which means the same thing.

Jack Bauer made a brief cameo in the film "Stand By Me" as the local bully. His character got so pissed off when the boys didn't let him take the dead body that seven years later, he killed River Phoenix. Jack Bauer never forgets.

Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.-freaking Nina Meyers!

If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat she would move to the back

The Boogieman checks his closet for Jack Bauer

There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

The Dinosaurs laughed at Jack ...

Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"

Every person in authority who has ever decided Jack Bauer is wrong and a loose cannon who needs to be arrested is dead. Coincidence? I think not.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauer doesn't dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Jack Bauer.

If you ever tried to tell Jack Bauer to go to hell, the Devil would silence you before you finished the sentence.

Jack Bauer was removed from Counter-strike by Valve because the counter-terrorists always won. Always.

There is no such thing as Evolution. There are the animals Jack Bauer doesn't kill.

Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer once got into a fight, the event is commonly known as the Big Bang. If you want to know who won, just ask yourself when was the last time
you saw a new episode of Walker Texas Ranger?

Jack Bauer understands the teacher in Charlie Brown.

The only correct answer to the question, "Who's your daddy?" is "Jack Bauer". No matter who you are.

Jack Bauer let the dogs out.

Jack Bauer has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Jack Bauer caught all the Pokemon.

Jack Bauer once wrote a book. You might know it. It's called The Bible.

For 137 pages of this goodness: http://www.jackbauerfacts.com/





LONG LIVE JACK BAUER!

2 comments:

Andrew C said...

I have a feeling I should have watched 24 instead of Lost. Never watched a single episode of 24.

Cory said...

If you are ever interested, I own every season of 24.